The decision to divorce is a difficult one. The process can also be very challenging emotionally. Many people find it very helpful to consult with a therapist to help make the decision and to ease the emotional challenges of the process. If you have children you may also want to consult with a child specialist about the best way to prepare the children for, and to care for them during this transition. It is usually best for you and your spouse to tell the children together that you will be separating or divorcing and to assure them that you will both remain very active in their lives.
Before a divorce can be finalized the following decisions will have to be resolved:
a. Decision-Making and Parenting Time: How will you and your spouse make decisions for your children and how you will spend time with them? To prepare for parenting you can begin thinking about how you have made decisions for your children in the past and how you would like to in the future. In determining how each of you will have parenting time with your children consider what everyone’s schedule is and how you and your spouse can maximize your time with the children.
b. Support: Practically speaking, you need to figure out how the same amount of money that used to support one household now will be able to support two. Even if you have never lived on a budget in the past, this is a good time to start. You will want to make sure that your expenses do not exceed your income. Begin by preparing a list of anticipated, post-separation monthly expenses. There are statutory guidelines for child support and temporary maintenance that will be considered as well.
c. Equitable Distribution: How will you divide what you have accumulated during the marriage? You should begin to gather whatever financial information you can. You will need at least two years of tax returns, recent pay stubs, and any and all documentation of your assets and debts. This includes bank and brokerage account statements, IRA and other retirement account statements, life insurance statements, credit card statements, etc. You may ultimately need to have your house, apartment, business, pensions, licenses and degrees appraised. You and your spouse are entitled to full financial disclosure from each other and will likely be exchanging sworn affidavits of net worth, no matter which process you choose.
Teresa Ombres is a graduate of Fordham University and New York Law School and is admitted to the practice of law in the States of New York and New Jersey. She began her career in divorce and family law in 1981 and began mediating in 1996 after trainings in Community Mediation and Divorce Mediation.